Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
