and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
