im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
