I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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