I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
