If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm really busy with my period
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