Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize