Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
