I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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