it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
