Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
