Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
