I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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