The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize