im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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