He told me they were just razor bumps!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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