I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
