You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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