Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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