I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
