I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
