I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
