is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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