What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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