call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
