Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
