woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
