haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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