Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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