There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
