NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well I just put wine in my tea
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
