he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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