I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize