Nicole vs. Life
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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