Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
