We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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