It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
