Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
