Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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