goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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