I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
