They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You made out with two different species that night
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
