Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
