i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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