She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
