Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
