someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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