She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
