No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That accounts for only three of the penises
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
