I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
