Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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