my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize