I accidentally had phone sex last night
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
