I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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