just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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