My friends, they love my intelligence
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
