I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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