I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
