you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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