I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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