i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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