A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
