Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just had sex bonerless
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize