I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
